The Pete Bates Project

Recognise coercive control before it escalatesFor women trying to recognise coercive control clearly, name the pattern earlier, and get the right next step before the damage runs deeper.

Most women do not miss the danger because it was absent. They miss it because it did not look like what they were taught to fear.

A free field guide to the behavioural warning signs that often appear before harm becomes visible.

For women who need clearer language under pressure

How To Say It So They Dont Misread It is a practical guide for women who need clearer language for what is happening. It helps you explain coercive control, child leverage, post-separation abuse, and public-private split in a way that is calmer, more structured, and harder for systems to flatten into conflict.
“It gave me language for what my body was doing after he was gone.”
S. Brisbane

*It explains what coercive control can leave behind in the body, the mind, and everyday life after the relationship ends: fear that won’t settle, peace that feels wrong, self-blame that won’t let go, and a nervous system still acting like the danger is clo

Private voice note, phone, video, and Zoom support for women who need clarity under pressure — especially where coercion, children, court, fear, or post-separation confusion are involved.

Who We Are

A pattern-recognition toolkit for parents who know something has shifted and need structure to act early.

Peter and Belinda Bates run The Pete Bates Project — a platform focused on pattern recognition, coercive control education, and practical tools that help people recognise dangerous behaviour before harm escalates.

Why This Work Is Personal

I grew up around domestic violence and saw firsthand what it did to my mother, who never truly got free of it. That history is part of why this work is deeply personal to me.
What I do now is about helping women recognise dangerous patterns earlier, put language around what is happening, and get support before the damage runs deeper.

What Women Have Said

Shared with permission.

"This content named something I'd been living for three years but couldn't explain to anyone."
P., Sydney

"I sent this to my sister. She left two weeks later."
Rebecca, Brisbane

"I've worked in DV for eleven years. This is the clearest public explanation of coercive control I've ever seen."
Kelly, Melbourne

25,000+ followers • 2 million + views • Featured in Courier Mail, Daily Mail, and the Adam Shand podcast

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A pattern-recognition toolkit for parents who know something has shifted and need structure to act early.

"Every woman who recognises the pattern early
is a woman with a better chance of never becoming the statistic."